Drop beneath the swirling vortexes of “story”, “spin” and meaning and come into the depth of the soul – the place of truth and peace.
All the spiraling we do in the abyss, the swimming in the toxicity of our histories, our stories, our projections keep us fighting for “air”, for serenity, for flow. The flow is deeper. It lies beneath the questions, the struggle, the emotion. It is placid and restful, and beyond duality. Ahhhh to sink into the liferaft of the soul and climb aboard, feeling the waves of all that stirs and moves, but being mostly focused on the sunshine warming the body and the sweetness of the moment.
Drop the volumes – the encyclopedic volumes of story living in the tissues. This is not your proof. This is toxicity. Holding onto your history and story in order for it to be your “ticket” into utopia, or the prevention of it, is futile. Holding on will not help you convince God of your deserving, or your lack of deserving, you already are loved beyond your imagination…let it go. There is more to you that is waiting to be accessed. There are numerous ways to drop the volumes, beginning with literally turning down the noise of what’s not truth and coming home to yourself in this moment. Your moving the toxicity out of the body may include sharing your stories, and raging and crying; writing, singing, painting to somehow express, ex-press what is held within. Fortunately, we have many ways to choose from to move old energy, bodywork, breathwork, dance, movement, and you name it…therapy du jour. Skipping over this part and imagining yourself beyond it, likely is not sustainable.
Whenever I have been in the pain spiral and asked or wondered if there was anyone who could/would help me overcome all the trials and traumas, again and again I found myself alone, at God’s feet, only to remember that I am never alone. I never asked “why me” because somewhere I trust that my soul knows why me.
Struggling for meaning elicits feeble attempts to sum up the human experience. What if you are left with your whimsy, your solidity as your map? What if you are forced to set aside every notion of absolute knowing, provided no comfort or structure? There is no map, no solidity, no promise. We create according to our personal or ancestral beliefs, societial parameters, cultural and genetic leanings, and if we are wise or lucky, according to our soul’s urging. For it is a unique and uncharted course, this life. Fortunate are those who embrace it as such and develop a joy and a passion that can be felt in their essence. Fortitude and blind ignorance paves the way until we learn to listen with our whole selves, our emotions, our longings, our depths. Only then, I believe, does life really begin.
A well traveled friend’s husband talks about his steady diet of Coke and McDonald’s. He knows it does not direct his body toward health, though he chooses it again and again. He chooses it out of it’s reliability. It’s continuity. A Coke will always taste the same, in any airport, any city, any hotel room. He cannot rely on that same stability in many other areas of his life. I believe until we develop a rich inner resource, we depend on some sort of external continuity for stability. Can we remain centered and still in the wake of loss, hunger, disease, chaos? Are we being asked to step up to that? Everything alive is changing, by it’s very nature. Change is inevitable, and constant. Drop deeper into yourselves.